~Structure vs. Freedom~

We are both unschoolers at heart...interest-led, resistant to too much structure, too tight of a schedule, too many governmental expectations...
...yet Hannah has written herself out a new schedule, & so far, she's sticking to it...*sigh*...daily, i see the pressure she puts herself under, the desire for structure mixed up with feeling inadequate & behind...
...part of it is the month she spent (April) at her Aunty Mary's & Uncle Darrell's, where her cousins go to school every day, & they homeschooled her for a month with a schedule like she'd never known...she sometimes actually liked it, though it was torture, at first, until she adjusted...
...the other part of it is the pressure she feels to catch up & keep up in areas she's a bit behind other kids her age (math), after spending that month in a house lined up with government expectations & scheduled learning...
...a part of me deeply resents the intrusion it makes on our daily living, her natural, explorative love of learning...another part of me is secretly affected by the pressures as well...yet i know it's far more important that she be wise about God, love, people, & her purpose here than dividing fractions, & breaking down the English language in ways that rob children of the joy of reading & writing...
...so I am torn two ways...we enrolled with a structured school this year, & barely sent in enough to get grades (not that we wanted them, or got all caught up in what they're supposed to mean...) & know we cannot continue with them another year...so it's either back to Wondertree (the only private school that supports unschooling), where I have to do all the weekly reporting, she doesn't HAVE to do anything aside from learn... or we'll just register & forgo the $1000 offered for jumping through hoops. (W-tree is full, waiting to see if they'll get enough teachers to take those on the wait list for next year.)
I'm soooooooooo tired of hoops. I'm tired of seeing Hannah change by her feeling that she should jump through hoops. Yet part of her clearly likes the 'pressure' of schedules & deadlines. She even brought up the possibility of going to school...she wasn't really serious, though...just liking the idea of schedules, knowing what's expected, { & recess & lunch-time, of course!}
...so we have lots to pray about...& lots of summer decisions to make...but first, we need to go make a bed for Blossom, she's due to have a litter any day...(we also moved a week or so ago, & Mittens died awhile back, just before her trip, from the tainted pet food...it's been a fun few months...)
{...&, oh yea, on her trip, she had her hair cut that had grown to her thighs...it's just past her shoulders now...yes, she regrets it...& loves it, at the same time...oh, to be 11 again!!! I'll post a picture when i get the camera thingy set up with the computer...}